Shifty

On the corner by the gas station there was a three story house that looked like something from a Hitchcock movie. Brick in the pastel colors with dark shutters and a thundercloud resting over the house eternally. The house was always dark whenever I passed it. In the backyard was a gray row house with about five apartments and that is where my fishing buddy, Shifty, lived. Shifty was from Theodore, Alabama, and he had the body of a fullback and the mouth of a dirty sailor. His eyes were often dim or shut while he danced in the yellow parking light like the poet drunkard he was. He once told me the only thing to do in Theodore was fuck and drink and then fuck some more and drink some more. Sometimes I’ll have a cigarette he told me. And then there was fishing which I convinced him happened somewhere in between all the fucking and drinking in Theodore and he laughed and slapped me on my back Ross you’re just a crazy sombitch from the city now what do you know bout fishin’ and where’s your Spanish homework? Shifty and I had worked out a deal that consisted of me giving him my Spanish homework and letting him cheat off me on all of our tests and in return he would teach me how to play guitar, let me drink as much beer as I could at his place, and lastly introduce me to all those girls from Theodore and Mobile who liked to drink and fuck. We had our priorities set.

The last time I saw Shifty was at an Auburn football game a few years back. He told everyone that I got the clap from some girl they went to high school with and then came up to me with a beer in his hand eighty sheets to the wind. Nah I’m just kiddin’ bout that this sorry sombitch wouldn’t know what to do with Kara Walmsley. Ain’t that right ya Mexican speaking fucker.

Now when I pass by the house and think about Shifty all I can do is laugh and then laugh some more and think about how much I missed fishing with him in Auburn and Loachapoka. I’ll never forget when we went to Drunk Man’s Creek and fished til it got dark and on our way out pulled over to the side of the road to let a giant 4x4 truck pass through. Inside the truck were two guys about our age with a woman sitting between them. Shifty leaned his head outside the window and yelled at the driver Ya’ll going back there to fuck, ain’t ya? I knowed it when I saw her in between ya’ll. Whatsa matter ya’ll got tired of doin it indoors? The driver flipped Shifty off and kept driving down the road kicking up a wake of dust in his flight. Shifty pulled himself back into the truck and looked over at me while opening a beer they’re going back there to fuck as if I didn’t hear him telling the driver his psychic revelation. We cruised down the road and drank beer and smoked cigarettes and I thought to myself this place is way cooler than home.

NP: Guy Clark "L.A. Highway"